down to earth

About the journals I used to take and how I would write more in diaries and journals

I would have many different journals for books I read or book reviews or excerpts and phrases and fav parts or quotes

Or my dreams book, I would try to write down my dreams if I remembered them

This blog here is just an extension of all that

But too many years later

I wonder what it all would have looked like had I typed it out instead of written it out

Cursive and writing really influence your thoughts and writing apparently though

I remember it Sometimes felt like a full time job just documenting things in my head or in life

And also I struggled a bit with imposter syndrome not realizing it

I think I would have classified it back then as something else perhaps I’m wrong to call it that even now but it was a lot like I wouldn’t feel comfortable publishing something that didn’t have correct punctuations etc

Now it’s like a necessity to get stuff out of my head lol so I’m unapologetic

And also the anonymity certainly helps cause I don’t have to account for other people who know me to be embarrassed by my train of thoughts or anything, it doesn’t impact anyone directly who is close to me.. so there is more freedom even if I am just still being myself. the knowledge that no one is directly affected by my words is a relief.

For now

Why didn’t I think of this sooner!

But I remember now… half of it was this: I couldn’t put my name to anything I wrote spontaneously without scrupulously editing it or making sure it’s ok w everyone around me, because everyone would know it was by me, which by many degrees of separation and by extension it was created by them… second: I couldn’t ignore the intangible feeling of putting my words out into the ether not knowing what will happen to it and whom it will affect. And knowing I can’t bottle feed it clothe it and educate it

Lol

~feb 25~